Sweet Seventeen.

Salam to all;

Today i am 36 yrs 3 days old. It is definitely a remarkable special for me. The day when the numbers become a year higher means a lot to anyone. For me it is a huge achievement. Sounds silly? Ok , let's laugh then.

When I was diagnosed with Lupus Nephritis stage 4 about 17 years ago, there were a few incidents that I don't really wanted to hear and keep in mind. Unfortunately it keep coming into my mind..

First was; when i was still in ward and still on dignosed. My mum asked to a doctor: ''it has been quite anumber of blood checks and look at her arms now. look like belongs to a drug addict''. Doctor: ''We have to, makcik. It is because most probably she has a very rare serious illness,'', with a firm voice intonation as if my mum would grab the syringe away from her..!(she was about to carry out another blood sample job). The conversation just in front of me who laying restlessly so i can catch every single thing she said.**sigh** What would you expect a makcik to understand clearly and take that kind of answer?? And what about the patient herself??

Second was: I was then discharged and back at home when coincedently there was a forum about SLE on telly.The forum invited an expert talking on this illness. To response one of the callers, he said 'For those who disgnosed with serious SLE , we would say that he/she could have another 5 years to live ..'. I was in front of telly watching and without a second my mum asked me to get into the room to get some rest.

Dear friends; At the beginning, as I was just known about what had happend to myself, it definitely took a while for me to absorb and understand well my condition. Not blaming anyone of any heartbreaking regarding this issue(death) but..I need to get all the power inside out to instill into my mind. I really need it in order to survive and beat this illness. The question was; where and how could i search for it? To ingnore what people/doc say about this is one thing and to empower n strenghten my spirit is another thing. To please and ease my beloved ones not to be too worry is the hardest.

Alhamdulillah, everything has gone well and will be better.. I just want to hold on tight with what I stand. Be positive..berusaha,sabar, tawakkal dan redha.

It is 36th birthday but deep inside my mind it is actually 17th Me. 17years reincarnation of me. Syukur.

It means soo much.. only God knows.

Till we meet again, see you soon, very very soon.